Wow, I am having a really difficult time today focusing on anything. Apologies in advance if this entry is kind of all over the place.
Sometimes there are just too many things I want or need to do, and I can’t just focus on one thing. I went from getting ready to exercise, to deciding cleaning was going to be my exercise, to turning on the computer to write this, to going through my photos on my Drive, to listening to music and watching videos, to thinking about exercising again and back to finally writing this. AARGH!
That is one of the “petals” I hope to change, but not today, apparently. I am, however, working on doing little things that I think of immediately instead of waiting or being lazy. If I wait, I usually forget, which is annoying for all involved. But small things include getting up to hand my mom something instead of trying to kill myself by reaching further than I can, writing things down on the grocery list, taking more than one trip when carrying items, and putting things away instead of just putting them wherever, among other small things. It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s big for me. I am definitely one for forgetting small stuff, and this has already helped me.
I am working on changing other “petals.” The whole purpose of this blog was to write about what I’m trying to change about myself and to take folks on that adventure. Of course, I’ve written a bit about my past and other things, but I also want people to get to know me a little better.
So, one thing I am trying to do is something different each week. I may not have the energy or time on some weeks, but I am going to try. Of course, the recent new things are dieting, exercise and starting this blog.
This week’s small step was to try to be more social. I can’t really go out because of this freaking pandemic, so I’ve been just working on making comments on different sites, like Reddit. I also downloaded Twitch and have been watching some streams and talking with people on chat there. That is just a huge step for me, because I just have this awful fear of making horrible first impressions or saying the wrong thing. People responded, and I had a conversation online with strangers from around the world. It was surreal but a lot of fun. I made the streamers laugh, so yay for me.
I have downloaded Discord and hopefully will get up the nerve to jump on there too. One of my main issues is that I just do not know how to use these apps, but I have to remember I am not the only one who is new to stuff. I’ll probably do something dumb, but I have to get rid of the feeling of wanting to crawl into a hole and die when I do that. You know that feeling, when you say something incredibly moronic, then dwell on it every night until the end of time (or you know, just the one night, but still). I hate that feeling. So, wish me luck in talking to other human beings.
Until next time!